Today after lunch i knew the day had taken a turn. I started feeling very anxious, nauseous and the headache was so bad i cried and cried, but of course it simply got worse.
I want to share this with you because i really need to vent a little...
About 12 years ago my mother died in car accident on her way to pick me up from the airport. She had left on vacation to Dominican Republic and i was schedule to meet her there 2 weeks after. My flight was schedule to leave at 7 a.m, but i was late and missed my flight. I was able to get on a later flight, which meant i would land in DR at about 9pm. Unfortunately there was no one there to pick me up, at about 7pm and very close to the airport my mother and 2 other passengers who were also family members, were killed. It's been 12 long crazy years since this tragedy happened and i still get physically sick when i think about it.
My God is a awesome God, and without Him i would of never made it out of the dark place i once was. For almost 8 years i lived in a very dark and lonely place, where only God, my Husband and kids kept me sane. If it was up to me i would of self-destruct little by little. But because of His grace i am here.
For so long, i blamed myself not only for my mother's death but also my 2 cousins who died along with her. Many people have said to me, my husband especially that i don't have the power to cause such drastic event. I believe it, yet there;s one truth that keeps me hostage.
The night before my departure to DR i had only slept about 2 hours, i woke up late so i missed my first flight. I've always asked myself what if i would of never missed that flight, why was i so irresponsible about this? I mean i do know and believe God is in control of everything and He allows things to happen, but why this? And why can't i get past this? Before today i really thought things were getting better, and these feelings were finally dying out. But after speaking to my sister today, i can't help but feel horrible for robbing them of a mother. I was only 16 when this happened my sister was 9 and my brother 8, so the've never had a mom there through the most important times in their life...I'm hurting today- deeply.. Will continue another time because right now i need to pray for peace...
God Bless y'all