For a while now i've been really out of wacked, something like living without purpose. I been working out non stop, trying to escape reality. But after non stop prayer and a little reality check, i feel me again.
I kept saying how i knew God was in control of everything i am going through, but my actions showed otherwise. I am someone who's able to hide my emotions very easy, even to make others believe i am not someone who has anything to hide, but the truth of the matter is i am quite the opposite. I know how to turn myself on and off very easy, i don't think is a real or fake thing, but rather me letting you into my world or not.
Last week i read this passage in Matthew that changed me a lot
34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,  you did it to me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ 45 Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46 And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
Reading this struck my spirit heavy. I asked myself where do i fit in this, with the sheeps or the goats? I looked at myself within and not only was i acting very selfish, but i was staining my testimony in the process. I spent a lot of time dwelling on my feelings, my hurt and pain. Not only did i shutdown, i would hurt those who'd come across me as well. I hid behind the "they don't know what i am going through right now" forgetting that in life we will be faced with obstacles, we go through unimaginable pain but no matter what that is, God is in control. Today i feel this great peace in my heart. I am currently reading this book A Woman After God's Own Heart® where the author Elizabeth George shares with us the importance of constant prayer with God for anything and everything, she shares how her life was transformed through a daily moment by moment talk with God. The time you spend with God daily will reflect the life you will live. The time you spend reading verses like these in Matthew where Jesus puts aside all religiousity and deals with the heart. I ask myself what i am doing for Christ according to these verses. WHAT?
I am enjoying this change of heart the Lord is doing in me right now. He is helping me take all focus from the things i call "problems" and showing me where my heart should be. In return He assures me i should not be worry about senseless things, for my JUST God is in CONTROL of everything.